Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Dicks are not precious.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
