If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
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