Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
