everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
