I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
