First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Randomize
