I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
