My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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