It's like God shit irony all over that family
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
