i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
