How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
