i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
