hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
