Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
