so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
