Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
