Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
