I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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