you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
