I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
