I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Randomize
