brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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