As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
