Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
