He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
is it fun? or sober?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
