Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
