Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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