Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
