sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
