If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
