you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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