I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
