Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
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I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
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Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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