Christians are straight up FREAKS
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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