youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
