Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
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the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
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It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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