Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
