just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
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I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
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When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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