I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
