Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
