The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
