My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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