super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
