I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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