Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
