To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
