I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
