Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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