So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
