just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
