umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
