The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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