let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
