I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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