Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
