Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
