the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
