I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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