I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
