i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
