Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
