So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
