i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Randomize
