I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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