I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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