I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
