It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
If that was your dad, he is hot
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Randomize
