No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
