There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
