Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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