There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
