I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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