He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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