the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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