Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
