u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
