Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
