I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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