I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
